Off the Grid (A Time-Traveling Post)

I wrote this on Tuesday morning, around 8:15 AM. You're reading it right now because...well...I'll explain in a minute.

I’m sitting in the second level of a cabin called Enchanted Eve in the middle of a resort called Lazy Lane Inn in Ohio. There’s a Wal-Mart about 12 miles down the hills from where we are. There are also a dozen stores with names like “Roger’s Radiators!” with faded signs that no longer support the random sparkles and bright colors that were surely attractive in 1983. The roads on the way up the hills are named after goat cheese and sauerkraut. Not together, of course. That would be ridiculous.

You won’t know this for another day or so, because there is no Internet connection and no cell phone service where I am. I have my three standard electronic devices on hand (iPod, iPhone and Macbook because I am a blind sheep of a consumer), and there is a television with cable in the cabin, but apart from that, no readily available access to the outside world. There is a telephone that allows you to call the front desk of the lodge and, presumably, 911. The lodge’s website suggested we purchase prepaid calling cards for the trip. We scoffed.

I’m no tech guru, so I can’t turn my iPhone into a WiFi hotspot or a satellite or a 50-screen command center complete with sonar, radio and long-range heat-seeking missiles. I can turn it into a flashlight and a free game of Catchphrase that interrupts every round with 45 seconds of ads. Those still work just fine.

Otherwise, it’s just me and the three people I came with: the co-writer of this fine blog, and a couple she’s friends with, whom I’d never met before this weekend. And with no phone/Internet, there are no training wheels.

Nowadays, it’s easy to retreat into “Kaz World” or “Jeff World” or “Whatever-Your-Name-Is World” if the current social theatre you’re acting in isn’t going to script. Don’t want to chug along through hour four of this game of Monopoly? Not up for keeping an eye on your little cousin as he wipes out on his skateboard a dozen times on the promenade*? Whip out the old phone. Check a couple texts and e-mails, see what Twitter’s up to, maybe return a Words with Friends game request or two.

I don’t have that crutch these next few days. I have Rebecca, and I have 23 years of social experience to navigate me through any potential obstacles that may present themselves while meeting two totally new people who already know Rebecca well, but not me.

It rained for the lion’s share of the daytime yesterday, which pretty much forced the issue as the four of us cracked a few beers and small-talked our way through the early evening until we broke out a couple board games – which in turn brought out the competitive nature in some of us and the general nonchalance towards a game like Monopoly in others.

A handful of times yesterday evening, I wished I could just check my phone once. See how my friends back home are doing. See what the baseball scores were. That last part is odd because, as mentioned previously, we have a TV and cable. We watched Pawn Stars for about an hour last night. I could easily find ESPN and get that information. After years of Facebook and Twitter, though, I’m so used to consuming news and information with a side of social media commentary that I still feel like I’m out of the loop if I don’t know what my friends or favorite writers have to say about a news story.

That’s why, despite the relative inconveniences, I’m really excited for the rest of this trip.

As I’ve said in posts past, I’m worried about what sort of path I’m on in terms of my general knowledge. Part of that is social. I’m tired of being at parties, on trips, at work, at the bar, etc. and not having something interesting to say. My repertoire currently includes irrationally strong opinions on sports, misguided political and economic rants and dumb stories from college. That usually buys me 10 minutes.

I want to re-learn how to meet people, how to pick their brains on things I’m interested in, how to feign interest in things I have no interest in and how to express my own opinion on a subject, not a warmed-over or regurgitated edition of someone else’s.

Plus, the sun is shining today. That will make things easier. There’s plenty to do near the cabin – hiking, zip-lining, horseback riding, etc. We won’t be want for activities. It’s not as if I’m stranded hundreds of miles from civilization with nothing but a change of clothes and my own cunning on my side: for Pete’s sake, I’m typing out a blog entry on a goddamn laptop and we’re about 15 miles from a shopping center.

Maybe I’ve still got some training wheels after all. But I hope I won’t have to lean on them.

-Matt