Making the Best of Things =/= Giving Up

Man working at a crappy restaurant wearing a dinky cowboy hat?
Man working at a crappy restaurant wearing a dinky cowboy hat.

I don’t know how I know

But I’m gonna find my purpose

I don’t know where I’m gonna look

But I’m gonna find my purpose

Gotta find out, don’t wanna wait

Got to make sure that my life will be great

Gotta find my purpose before it’s too late

-Bob Dylan

...okay fine, Princeton from "Avenue Q." Bite me

Yesterday, I interviewed for a new position at my current company, Big Super Colossal Conglomo Corp, for a job in letter writing and design. It’s a far cry from my current role of Phone Customer Service Representative/Analyst/Whipping Boy, and something that, at the outset, seemed much more in line with my education and skill set (aka my ability write in 300 words what could actually be said in about 15, as the lion’s share of this blog’s posts serve to prove)

The interview went something like this:

THEM: So, what do you know about this position?

ME: Well, my understanding is, we write and review letters we send out to make sure they comply with the law and…

THEM: Actually, our compliance team does all that for us. They make sure the letter wouldn’t break any laws and tells us to make the changes.

ME: Okay. Anyway, we would still take their suggestions, compose the letter in our own voice…

THEM: No, all the wording pretty much comes verbatim from legal. We basically take what they want us to read and make sure all the margins are aligned and the text is formatted properly.

ME: So basically, you want me to be Clippy.

THEM: Could you spot us some ones? We ordered pizza for the department but we’re kind of short on the tip.

It looks like you're trying to find your purpose in life.

Would you like help?

• Review listings for jobs you don't have a chance at?
• See how great your friends are doing compared to you?
• Go to Carl's Jr. for the fifth time this week?
• No thanks, just drink myself to oblivion without help.

The interview team said they would let me know within a week whether I’d been offered the job, but I doubt they will considering I managed to answer every question with something they didn’t want to hear (“You’re an independent worker? We want people who ask a lot of questions.” “You used to be a sports editor? Keep all your creative ideas to yourself.” “You’re a human being with a heartbeat and ten working fingers? We’re looking to hire a ham sandwich.”)

Even if they did offer it to me, though, would I even accept? Unless “Spell Checker Clicker Guy” is a six-figure job these days, why move from a mind numbing job talking to customers to a mind numbing job talking to myself all day as I lapse further into madness?

Needless to say, this isn’t the spot I imagined myself in when I walked across the podium at Duquesne two and a half years ago, proudly touting my diploma invitation to the alumni association and buckets full of confidence. Sure, I didn’t expect to be hosting a morning drive radio show or writing a daily sports column already, but surely I’d be a couple steps down that path by now.

The job market has had other ideas so far, as has my wallet.

We all know the average college student changes their major anywhere between two and eleventy kajillion times before they graduate, but more surprising is the majority of college graduates who can’t find a job in their preferred field. A poor economy (empirical evidence) mixed with more college students choosing fields of study many businesses deem unmarketable (observational evidence) forms a cocktail I like to call the Drink of Disillusionment…a drink that goes down rough. *self-important sniff*

It’s even worse when half of your friends from high school or college are already doing something they love right off the bat. I’m perfectly okay with sending most of them to their own island where they can revel in satisfaction away from the rest of us losers. (At this point, I’m mostly talking to my fellow liberal arts majors – I haven’t run into many neuroscientists reciting the list of house dressings at DiGiorgio’s to make ends meet lately)

For the “millennials” like myself who feel like they’ve lost their way, is there a time to cut bait on your dreams and go for the moderate payday? Where’s the cutoff point? If you’re not ready to buy a house by 30, have you already blown it? If you’re not making more than $40K a year by 25, are you doing something wrong?

Setting an arbitrary time to make a career change seems ridiculous. After all, for every five philosophy majors working in tech support to pay their student loans or aspiring musicians who work more paid lessons than paid gigs, there’s a Mike Mayock, who made a living in real estate for 18 years before trying to break into broadcasting again - and succeeding.

You could always return to school to get a Masters or another degree, if you want to ensure the sun will burn out before you escape the tangled web of student loans you’ve woven yourself (thanks Obama). Or you could take some time off to backpack across Europe if you’re a huge asshole.

I wish I could come to some satisfying conclusion, tie everything together in a pretty little bow and leave you with words of wisdom from someone years my elder, but if the preceding dozen graphs didn’t paint a vivid enough picture for you, I barely know what I’m doing here myself. Hell, I just spent 45 minutes trying to cook dinner tonight and I’m still biting into uncooked white beans in a half-baked attempt to reintroduce a foreign substance known as “potassium” into my life. Do you think I have a clue what the secret to finding a job you’re passionate about is?

Here’s what I do know: you’re never going to get there by standing pat. “Patience” is not a synonym for “complacency.” (Trust me, I looked) Do what you love in some other capacity. Use whatever spare time you have to practice your craft, and don’t convince yourself you don’t have any. For Christ’s sake, right now you're burning time reading a blog written by someone who’s watched this video 80 times in the past week and laughed just as hard each time. If you can’t put your “passion” high enough on your list of priorities to grant it 15 minutes a day, it’s probably not your passion. 

Apply to a million jobs. Send your resume anywhere with a mailbox, an e-mail address, or an under-appreciated intern tasked with sorting through them all. It’s like the New Deal: even if it doesn’t ultimately do anything, it will at least make you feel like something’s happening until you catch a break (or a world war).

Most of all, if you’re in a relatively stable situation despite working a job you can’t stand, don’t get too comfortable. Comfort will sap you of ambition. I’ve gone weeks, months without applying to new jobs at times because, all things considered, my living situation is pretty decent. When I’m not at work, things are great. The temptation is to relax and enjoy the out-of-office perks of a job like mine because the actual work is so grating. In reality, your work begins once you clock out for the day. Sharpen the saw with a relaxing night every so often, but don’t make it the norm.

With that, I must go. Now that I’ve gotten my writing done for the day, it’s time to learn to dole out word processing advice like an anthropomorphic paper clip. It's so I can find my dream job, you see.

tl:dr - Beans take forever to boil and should not be made by anyone unless you derive pleasure from periodically stirring a pot for 13 hours